Intention

Since having my first child almost ten years ago I have been very interested in children’s health and development. My library is full of child related books from natural immunisation to brain development, to attachment parenting books and Waldorf education. I have learnt a lot from these books but what has helped and transformed my relationships with my children the most has come down to one word, or rather the lack of it.

INTENTION.

Often parents have good intentions for their children but what they are unaware of is that sometimes the intentions can be more damaging than serving. If you only have the desire or need for your child to be a certain way or gain knowledge because you would like them to succeed in an area in life, this can create a sense of not being appreciated for who they are but rather for external accomplishments. This can lead to feelings of low self worth if the focus is only on gaining outer knowledge and not enough of being appreciated for who they truly are, for their essence as a person.

As a therapist working with clients especially relating to trauma, if you are coming into the session with an intention of fixing your client that implies already that there is something wrong with them and this is usually one of the reason they are coming to you in the first place, because they believe that there is something wrong with them.

I don’t think this is a very good starting point.

I apply this to my relationships with my children now and it has been truly transformative. I no longer try to fix them because I know they are “perfect” as they are. They are exactly how they “should” be, whether that is moaning, resistant or throwing a tantrum.

It has led to complete acceptance.

Because who wants to be somebody’s failure?